The long goodbye and Blahrain blues

Bahrain International Airport: After 3 hours of a 6 hour stopover on my way to Kathmandu this airport has lost the allure of newness. I have strolled from end to end a few times now, once on a search for power -- a plug near seating for my quickly waning netbook. I thought I had scored over on the quieter side of the building, only to realize that I couldn't connect to wireless there.

Earlier today I had lunch with my ex. I don't like how that sounds, EX, just like I don't like other ex- words, particularly expatriate. We've seen a lot of each other since I returned from the States, since the divorce. Going on a brief vacation with him right after we left court, well, some friends say that is just plain weird. But, in fact, it felt completely natural. We had the beach in Iğneada pretty much all to ourselves since Turks seem to avoid beaches, esp. those on the Black Sea, till it's scorching hot. Also spent time in the mountains, going to an amazing cave called Dupnisa outside of Demirkoy, and afterward picnicking in the forest with one of Ev's old friends.

But back to today. We had an early lunch at Tike and then headed to the airport. After I checked in, we were heading to a somewhat isolated cafe for tea when the tears began, waves of emotion, of loss, swept over us both. We'd been in this airport and others, said so many goodbyes, but always with the guarantee of soon return.

I can't write this without those feelings washing over me again. I'm not sappy, not usually sentimental, avoid crying in public, but this loss is still very much a gaping wound, one that may not soon cease to completely overwhelm me. The intensity of these emotions has surprised me. I'm unsure what to do with them.